its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
