You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
