I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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