ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
