He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My vagina is officially offended.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
