I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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