So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
