i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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