Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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