Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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