Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
