Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
