This is not my ceiling
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
