we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
