I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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