i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
