office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
