Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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