Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
