He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
