Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I could make wine with my vomit
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
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