the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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