My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
