I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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