are you still at the devil's house?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Just cropdusted the office
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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