I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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