im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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