I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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