filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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