the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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