she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
