Having a random hookup so left but love u
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
