The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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