A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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