So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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