we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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