dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
