She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize
