You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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