is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
