Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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