how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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