I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Barsexuality is the new black.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Shame is for Republicans.
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