We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I will pee on everything he values.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
