Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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