just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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