so let's talk penis.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
