you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
