Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
