I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
