We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
