he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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