I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
