the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
