Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
